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A lot of people take kindness for weakness, that’s why costumer service workers get mistreated.

Jack only jumped over a single lousy candlestick & got his own song; meanwhile, the cow that jumped over the moon has to share the billing with a laughing dog & eloping dish & spoon.

All units of measurement are entirely arbitrary and exist solely because we agree they have value.

Technically, a murderer is always the first to arrive at the murder scene.

Mid to late twenties is a weird age where you can still pass as a teenager but you can feel your body is falling apart with each passing day.

Young people in the 2080s are gonna find pictures of grandma that are her in a dog filter

‘my two cents’ & ‘penny for you thoughts’ demonstrate that we value our own opinions more

Having both inside and outside shoes is something Mister Rogers teaches us every episode.

You can drink a drink but you can’t food a food.

The two sports with the highest chance of being bit by an alligator are alligator wrestling and golf.