Your child won’t ever be half your age until they are exactly as old as you were when they were born.
Alarm clocks are maybe the only device that make you mad in both scenarios, whether they work or not.
You exist because of a string of perfectly timed sexual encounters dating back thousands of years
Most people spreading Bill Gates conspiracy theories are probably using Windows to do it.
“Horrible”, “horrifying” and “horrific” describe negative experiences. So do “terrible” and “terrifying”. But “terrific” is used positively.
Getting a hair stuck in your mouth has to be a million times more gross when you’re bald.
Monitoring incoming nuclear strikes might be the only job you’re glad it’s boring
When you’re the first one to clap, it feels amazing. When you’re the only one who claps, it’s embarrassing.
If you pretend to not see someone you hate, and they also pretend to not see you, that’s a lot of cooperation between two people...
Arguing with dumb people actually makes you smarter as you have to find simpler ways to explain yourself which expands your grasp on the subject
